Tuesday, 30 December 2008

The Correct Combination Was...

65. 69. 73. 21. 87. 88. 99. 90. 76. 10. 42.

These numbers, and many more, were just some of the correct combinations in my mini adventure that I like to call: Chests.

Firstly, We should familiarise ourselves with the term "Chest", as it can be expressed in a number of ways:

"Adventure? C-chests? No thanks." - Aeyze: Casket Expert.
"Chest? :£ More like. urface!" - Rebme: Resident Dickhead.
"omg it was 51. Fucking chest, ugh, I said 53." - Jkun: Rage Machine.

Let's go into more detail, shall we?

Certain zones contain chests that can either be blue, or brown. Blue chests are discarded faster than your mum's savings at a Debenham's sale. They contain temporary items. Worthless pish posh, I say what what jolly good pip pip.

Brown chests, however, contain the holy grail, the second coming, the elixer of life. Sort of. 99% of the time, you will find trash. Kazham Peppers, Silver Obis, Shit, Ores, Wool, Sand, Cuir Highboots, Threads, Air. Okay so they have Elixers too, but they're not Elixers of LIFE.

However, for the lucky adventurers, for the very very very lucky adventurers, each zone contains one R/Ex piece of equipment that is kickass at low level, and shite everywhere else.

...BUT WAIT A SECOND IT'S NOT THAT EASY, NOPE. Each brown chest is locked.

Yeah. You heard me. These locked chests require you to enter a 2 digit number that is guessed through the power of deduction, using 4-6 shitty clues. Believe me, IT'S ALWAYS GOING TO BE 4. IF YOU SEE A CHEST CONTAINING 6 CHANCES THEN YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY BROKEN THE GAME AND YOU SHOULD CALL A GM BECAUSE THAT CHEST BELONGS IN FUCKING JAIL.

Anyway, here is an example of a bad clue:

You have a hunch one of the digits is greater than 0.

Yeah, no shit. GOOD clues would look like this:

You have a hunch one of the digits is 6.
You have a hunch one of the digits is 8.

THAT WAY, YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT IT'S GOING TO BE. But clues such as these are actually incredibly rare, so don't expect them.

Like, at all.

In short: WHY THE FUCK DID I SPEND 20 HOURS DOING THIS? What possessed me to constantly log in, and hammer away at EP mobs praying for a brown chest that might actually contain something? I'll tell you what:

SPITE.

I needed to justify wasting my time on these chests, and even if the rewards are fucking mediocre, I HAD to have something to show for it.

So, after 1/115 Opened chests, I finally obtained a Pet Damage Taken -2 neck piece.

Yep.

Yep, totally worth it.

I don't ever want to touch a chest again. Y'know, I actually dream about them. I dream about 4 chance chests with shitty clues. I dream about a single mob dropping 2 brown chests as I jump for glee. HOWEVER, I MUST LEARN TO PUT IT ALL BEHIND ME. I MUST FREE MYSELF.

(Thank you Reb, Ze, but most of all E100 because he stayed for the whole show unlike you two fucking slackers)

And so, I wish anyone who seeks out these chests the best of luck...

...because, lol, you're sure as shit gonna need it.